The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.
-Anonymous
Sunday, February 10, 2008
what is wrong with me?
Why is it that I keep on trying and trying when I really don't think I will get anywhere? Is it the challenge that keeps me going? Or just stupidity? I guess there is a fine line there that I have yet to step over. I don't know why it kills me seeing that she has fun with another guy. I mean damn, I hardly know the girl, so why the hell am I even caring? I keep thinking to myself that I was being too cocky or at times even jerkish. Blah..... I finally meet a girl that fits most of my credentials for girlfriend material (look below) and I just screw it all up. Gosh, I hate being depressed over stupid things like this but I can't help it. Mrs. Right, if you are out there please meet me. I can't take staying up late at night with thoughts going in and out of my mind anymore, its taking its toll on me.
-Anonymous
-Anonymous
Thursday, February 7, 2008
2nd time is NOT the charm
I got to sleep in all day today because my programming class was cancelled, woo! I started off the day by fixing my bumper. I ran over a huge tire in the middle of the road last night and it scuffed up my bumper and knocked the grill loose. I buffed the shit out of it and remounted the grill in place and everything is 100%!
I took down another local tournament last night. I am really really happy with my play in the past few weeks. I have been winning alot of tournaments and getting tons of respect from the players, woot! It sure makes up for the shitty paychecks/hours I've been gettin at Sears!
I texted Leah tonight to see how she was doing. I had'nt talked to her in awhile and I really missed talking to her. I tried to make plans with her Saturday night but I guess she is suppose to hang out with the douche bag. I.. ,I mean everyone and I, dont know what she sees in the hillbilly, but whatever. It kinda lowers my self-esteem when she picks some loser over me =/ O well, I have 7 days to find a valentine so we'll see if I'm successful. I really don't have anything planned for the weekend but I hope its not too boring. I kinda feel like leaving this area and maybe go hangout with Travis in KC. Who knows...
I took down another local tournament last night. I am really really happy with my play in the past few weeks. I have been winning alot of tournaments and getting tons of respect from the players, woot! It sure makes up for the shitty paychecks/hours I've been gettin at Sears!
I texted Leah tonight to see how she was doing. I had'nt talked to her in awhile and I really missed talking to her. I tried to make plans with her Saturday night but I guess she is suppose to hang out with the douche bag. I.. ,I mean everyone and I, dont know what she sees in the hillbilly, but whatever. It kinda lowers my self-esteem when she picks some loser over me =/ O well, I have 7 days to find a valentine so we'll see if I'm successful. I really don't have anything planned for the weekend but I hope its not too boring. I kinda feel like leaving this area and maybe go hangout with Travis in KC. Who knows...
Sunday, February 3, 2008
...and the Giants with the upset!
Dear blog,
This weekend was.... so-so. I had a pretty good time Friday night. This was Casey's last party before they all had to move out. I really wasn't planning to drink but by the time I got there, the peer pressure just sucked me in. We played a few rounds of flippy cup and I was challenged to do a full cup of beer. Of course I take the challenge and next thing I know I puke all over the table, it was great, lol. And then Becky, who I brought with me, leaves with Matt. I honestly couldn't careless about who the hell she talks to or is with, because I really dont have any feelings for the girl BUT I think my mail territorial instinct took over and I was pretty pissed off about it. Then as we are leaving I decide to be stupid and kick it out on an ice patch and I get a Carterville cop to follow me all the way through town. I thought I was about to get a DUI but luckily he turned off!
I went home and talked to Leah a little bit before going to bed. She had not called me all day, so I was starting to really lose hope. She said how she is sorry if it looks like she hasn't put as much effort into talking and that it's because she is afraid that I was wanting to be more then friends. WTF?? I dont get it. It was completely clear what Luke and Libby were trying to do, so I dont understand how she could of thought otherwise. That in itself nearly made me dip out on Saturday's plans. Unfortunately, she wasn't just a random girl, but Libby's sister, so in respect for her, I decided to go on with it. I told her to call me the next day to figure out our plans and I went to bed.
I worked Saturday from 3-8. I did not get one single phone call/text from her the whole day. I mean what the hell, how shitty is that? I eventually call her around 6 or so and tell her our plans. She tells me some bs about how she is sorry and has been busy all day with calls/texts. Yea okay, I hate when I get so bombarded with calls/texts that I forget to call the person I made plans with later that night. I can feel already that this night wasn't going to turn out as well as I had hoped.
Well, I get off work, go home to change, and I meet her at Blockbuster around 830. Oh I forgot to add, I have never met this girl in person before, but we have seen each other in pics and what not. It was just so awkward, and I was wondering what the heck she was thinking of me. It felt like such a blind date, lol.
Anyways, I thought my first "date" with her was a total bust. The whole triple date idea was a horrible one. It starts off with Steve and Luke trying their hardest to embarrass me. I thought it was a pretty asshole-ish thing to do. I know they didn't mean harm, but it was trying to make a good first impression here. It would of been better if I had been dating her for awhile, but not a first date. Also, we didnt really get any time to get to know each other, so I really dont know if I made a good impression. After dinner, we go over to Steve's and I find myself teaching the household how to play poker for the rest of the night, lol. What a great first date, I showcase my compuslive gambling skills, haha. Before I knew it, it was midnight and Cinderella had to go home. That was such a huge turnoff, but I guess I should expect that from trying to date a 17year old, lol.
So to sum it up, I think the night was a big failure. I didn't get a chance to get to her know her or even make a good impression. But after her mom called and told her she better get home ASAP, I realized that this girl wasn't for me. I mean, shes a good girl with great morals and that is EXACTLY what I want in a girl but I dont think I can deal with the burdens that our age difference holds. I was warned that she wouldn't be the type that I wanted a long relationship with. Maybe thats why I can't seem to get a girlfriend. I don't ever want to date a girl that I don't see myself marrying in the long run. Is that normal? I just feel like it would be a waste of time and heartache. But then again, maybe that is exactly why I'm still single. *sighs*
The Patriots undefeated streak ended today thanks to the Giants in a 17-14 game. I thought it was a very boring game til the 4th quarter. I had my money on the Patriots (they were a 12 to 1 favorite) but I was rooting for the Giants the whole way. I know, I'm weird. I dont like either teams but I'm glad that Eli was able to take down the superbowl. The last 2minutes were probably the best moments in superbowl history. Manning amazingly got out of a sack and manage to throw a ball downfield which led to their game winning touchdown. Simply amazing, and they deserve every bit of it.
And that pretty much sums up my weekend. It is 1am and I really need to get to bed. I have been staying up til around 230-3am every school night and it is really starting to kill me. So good night!
This weekend was.... so-so. I had a pretty good time Friday night. This was Casey's last party before they all had to move out. I really wasn't planning to drink but by the time I got there, the peer pressure just sucked me in. We played a few rounds of flippy cup and I was challenged to do a full cup of beer. Of course I take the challenge and next thing I know I puke all over the table, it was great, lol. And then Becky, who I brought with me, leaves with Matt. I honestly couldn't careless about who the hell she talks to or is with, because I really dont have any feelings for the girl BUT I think my mail territorial instinct took over and I was pretty pissed off about it. Then as we are leaving I decide to be stupid and kick it out on an ice patch and I get a Carterville cop to follow me all the way through town. I thought I was about to get a DUI but luckily he turned off!
I went home and talked to Leah a little bit before going to bed. She had not called me all day, so I was starting to really lose hope. She said how she is sorry if it looks like she hasn't put as much effort into talking and that it's because she is afraid that I was wanting to be more then friends. WTF?? I dont get it. It was completely clear what Luke and Libby were trying to do, so I dont understand how she could of thought otherwise. That in itself nearly made me dip out on Saturday's plans. Unfortunately, she wasn't just a random girl, but Libby's sister, so in respect for her, I decided to go on with it. I told her to call me the next day to figure out our plans and I went to bed.
I worked Saturday from 3-8. I did not get one single phone call/text from her the whole day. I mean what the hell, how shitty is that? I eventually call her around 6 or so and tell her our plans. She tells me some bs about how she is sorry and has been busy all day with calls/texts. Yea okay, I hate when I get so bombarded with calls/texts that I forget to call the person I made plans with later that night. I can feel already that this night wasn't going to turn out as well as I had hoped.
Well, I get off work, go home to change, and I meet her at Blockbuster around 830. Oh I forgot to add, I have never met this girl in person before, but we have seen each other in pics and what not. It was just so awkward, and I was wondering what the heck she was thinking of me. It felt like such a blind date, lol.
Anyways, I thought my first "date" with her was a total bust. The whole triple date idea was a horrible one. It starts off with Steve and Luke trying their hardest to embarrass me. I thought it was a pretty asshole-ish thing to do. I know they didn't mean harm, but it was trying to make a good first impression here. It would of been better if I had been dating her for awhile, but not a first date. Also, we didnt really get any time to get to know each other, so I really dont know if I made a good impression. After dinner, we go over to Steve's and I find myself teaching the household how to play poker for the rest of the night, lol. What a great first date, I showcase my compuslive gambling skills, haha. Before I knew it, it was midnight and Cinderella had to go home. That was such a huge turnoff, but I guess I should expect that from trying to date a 17year old, lol.
So to sum it up, I think the night was a big failure. I didn't get a chance to get to her know her or even make a good impression. But after her mom called and told her she better get home ASAP, I realized that this girl wasn't for me. I mean, shes a good girl with great morals and that is EXACTLY what I want in a girl but I dont think I can deal with the burdens that our age difference holds. I was warned that she wouldn't be the type that I wanted a long relationship with. Maybe thats why I can't seem to get a girlfriend. I don't ever want to date a girl that I don't see myself marrying in the long run. Is that normal? I just feel like it would be a waste of time and heartache. But then again, maybe that is exactly why I'm still single. *sighs*
The Patriots undefeated streak ended today thanks to the Giants in a 17-14 game. I thought it was a very boring game til the 4th quarter. I had my money on the Patriots (they were a 12 to 1 favorite) but I was rooting for the Giants the whole way. I know, I'm weird. I dont like either teams but I'm glad that Eli was able to take down the superbowl. The last 2minutes were probably the best moments in superbowl history. Manning amazingly got out of a sack and manage to throw a ball downfield which led to their game winning touchdown. Simply amazing, and they deserve every bit of it.
And that pretty much sums up my weekend. It is 1am and I really need to get to bed. I have been staying up til around 230-3am every school night and it is really starting to kill me. So good night!
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