just another day...

Dear blog,

It seems the only time I come here to talk to you is when I am very upset or depressed about something. Well, I guess it has been good that I havent been on here since February! haha. From now on, instead of filling you in on the past few months, ill just tell you what is going on day by day, ok?

Well, I just got home from class. I've been taking night classes so I can hold a full time job. I really like my job and it pays decent. The past week has been quite stressful though. We have been super busy and it seems like I am starting to lose my temper on the guys. Actually, I just get really pissed off when I have a set schedule of things to take care of but I cant finish them because somebody throws their work on me. It totally throws things off task and that just pisses me off. I kinda got into it with a co-worker today and really didnt expect to ever have that happen. I dont like to be a puppet, I like to do things the way my way and on my pace.; which is usually very fast. I kinda feel like he is starting to throw me around so I guess that caused a bit of tension.

Love life = still nonexistent. I guess I shouldnt even bother with the girls around here. It seems that people talk too much crap for me to get anywhere. bahh..

Garrett has been bugging the crap out of me to move out lately. I really want to but I dont want to be strapped for money every month. Also, Garrett is one shady ass mofo. I think I'll want to kill him in the first month of living with him. I dont think I've ever met somebody that lies sooooo much. I mean damn, I laid it out there and told him that I know when people lie to me. I have like a 6th sense for stuff like that, seriously. So right now I really dont know what to do about the moving situation. I really hate living at home, but the extra money is sooo nice. I guess we'll see..


Well I guess its time to write my paper for my online writing class. I really need to get internet instead of this ghetto ass stealing wireless from my neighbors crap!

what is wrong with me?

Why is it that I keep on trying and trying when I really don't think I will get anywhere? Is it the challenge that keeps me going? Or just stupidity? I guess there is a fine line there that I have yet to step over. I don't know why it kills me seeing that she has fun with another guy. I mean damn, I hardly know the girl, so why the hell am I even caring? I keep thinking to myself that I was being too cocky or at times even jerkish. Blah..... I finally meet a girl that fits most of my credentials for girlfriend material (look below) and I just screw it all up. Gosh, I hate being depressed over stupid things like this but I can't help it. Mrs. Right, if you are out there please meet me. I can't take staying up late at night with thoughts going in and out of my mind anymore, its taking its toll on me.

The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.
-Anonymous

2nd time is NOT the charm

I got to sleep in all day today because my programming class was cancelled, woo! I started off the day by fixing my bumper. I ran over a huge tire in the middle of the road last night and it scuffed up my bumper and knocked the grill loose. I buffed the shit out of it and remounted the grill in place and everything is 100%!

I took down another local tournament last night. I am really really happy with my play in the past few weeks. I have been winning alot of tournaments and getting tons of respect from the players, woot! It sure makes up for the shitty paychecks/hours I've been gettin at Sears!

I texted Leah tonight to see how she was doing. I had'nt talked to her in awhile and I really missed talking to her. I tried to make plans with her Saturday night but I guess she is suppose to hang out with the douche bag. I.. ,I mean everyone and I, dont know what she sees in the hillbilly, but whatever. It kinda lowers my self-esteem when she picks some loser over me =/ O well, I have 7 days to find a valentine so we'll see if I'm successful. I really don't have anything planned for the weekend but I hope its not too boring. I kinda feel like leaving this area and maybe go hangout with Travis in KC. Who knows...

...and the Giants with the upset!

Dear blog,

This weekend was.... so-so. I had a pretty good time Friday night. This was Casey's last party before they all had to move out. I really wasn't planning to drink but by the time I got there, the peer pressure just sucked me in. We played a few rounds of flippy cup and I was challenged to do a full cup of beer. Of course I take the challenge and next thing I know I puke all over the table, it was great, lol. And then Becky, who I brought with me, leaves with Matt. I honestly couldn't careless about who the hell she talks to or is with, because I really dont have any feelings for the girl BUT I think my mail territorial instinct took over and I was pretty pissed off about it. Then as we are leaving I decide to be stupid and kick it out on an ice patch and I get a Carterville cop to follow me all the way through town. I thought I was about to get a DUI but luckily he turned off!

I went home and talked to Leah a little bit before going to bed. She had not called me all day, so I was starting to really lose hope. She said how she is sorry if it looks like she hasn't put as much effort into talking and that it's because she is afraid that I was wanting to be more then friends. WTF?? I dont get it. It was completely clear what Luke and Libby were trying to do, so I dont understand how she could of thought otherwise. That in itself nearly made me dip out on Saturday's plans. Unfortunately, she wasn't just a random girl, but Libby's sister, so in respect for her, I decided to go on with it. I told her to call me the next day to figure out our plans and I went to bed.

I worked Saturday from 3-8. I did not get one single phone call/text from her the whole day. I mean what the hell, how shitty is that? I eventually call her around 6 or so and tell her our plans. She tells me some bs about how she is sorry and has been busy all day with calls/texts. Yea okay, I hate when I get so bombarded with calls/texts that I forget to call the person I made plans with later that night. I can feel already that this night wasn't going to turn out as well as I had hoped.

Well, I get off work, go home to change, and I meet her at Blockbuster around 830. Oh I forgot to add, I have never met this girl in person before, but we have seen each other in pics and what not. It was just so awkward, and I was wondering what the heck she was thinking of me. It felt like such a blind date, lol.

Anyways, I thought my first "date" with her was a total bust. The whole triple date idea was a horrible one. It starts off with Steve and Luke trying their hardest to embarrass me. I thought it was a pretty asshole-ish thing to do. I know they didn't mean harm, but it was trying to make a good first impression here. It would of been better if I had been dating her for awhile, but not a first date. Also, we didnt really get any time to get to know each other, so I really dont know if I made a good impression. After dinner, we go over to Steve's and I find myself teaching the household how to play poker for the rest of the night, lol. What a great first date, I showcase my compuslive gambling skills, haha. Before I knew it, it was midnight and Cinderella had to go home. That was such a huge turnoff, but I guess I should expect that from trying to date a 17year old, lol.

So to sum it up, I think the night was a big failure. I didn't get a chance to get to her know her or even make a good impression. But after her mom called and told her she better get home ASAP, I realized that this girl wasn't for me. I mean, shes a good girl with great morals and that is EXACTLY what I want in a girl but I dont think I can deal with the burdens that our age difference holds. I was warned that she wouldn't be the type that I wanted a long relationship with. Maybe thats why I can't seem to get a girlfriend. I don't ever want to date a girl that I don't see myself marrying in the long run. Is that normal? I just feel like it would be a waste of time and heartache. But then again, maybe that is exactly why I'm still single. *sighs*

The Patriots undefeated streak ended today thanks to the Giants in a 17-14 game. I thought it was a very boring game til the 4th quarter. I had my money on the Patriots (they were a 12 to 1 favorite) but I was rooting for the Giants the whole way. I know, I'm weird. I dont like either teams but I'm glad that Eli was able to take down the superbowl. The last 2minutes were probably the best moments in superbowl history. Manning amazingly got out of a sack and manage to throw a ball downfield which led to their game winning touchdown. Simply amazing, and they deserve every bit of it.

And that pretty much sums up my weekend. It is 1am and I really need to get to bed. I have been staying up til around 230-3am every school night and it is really starting to kill me. So good night!

hello there!

Well to sum it up, in the past month and a 1/2 or so, my house got robbed, my parents moved back and things have basically been sucking it up.

About 2 weeks ago, I was on my way to class doing about 55 on 13, and I got pulled over. I got issued a ticket for 10mph over and a warning for my tint. I thought it was pretty bogus because I was just driving with the flow of traffic, and so was the cop. The upside is that they took my license so now I have an excuse to not go to the bars. I have been blowing alot of money lately on booze and its starting to really hit the bank.

I started hanging out with Becky again. We went to watch a movie Friday night then on Saturday, we went to the saint louis auto show. It was pretty fun. I got to meet her sister Rachel and her husband Steve. Libby and Luke were also in attendance and I hadn't seen them in what seemed forever. The funny thing was that we both had a misunderstanding which caused a fallout between me and Luke. We cleared it all up and next thing I know, Libby is trying to hook me up with her sister, lol.

I have been talking to her alot lately and we seem to be hitting it off quite well. I like to be optimistic and hope that she ends up being what I am looking for =D. I guess we will see....

My poker games have been doing pretty well. I have been placing top 2 consistently, and its building my confidence up high. But last night I had one of those nights where everything just seemed to go wrong. I knew I was playing bad but I just couldn't keep my focus for some reason. O well, everyone has their bad nights. It didn't help that Leah kept picking on me and mocking me all night, haha.

I made plans with a guy from Bloomington to come down and take a look at my car Sunday. Hopefully he likes and it decides to buy it. The thing has become such a financial burden for me that I am almost willing to let it go for payoff!!.. ok maybe not. Anyways, it doesnt help that there is a huge dent on the quarter panel side from a kid running into it! Hopefully I can get him convinced that its not that big of a deal. I was quoted $50 to fix it, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Other then all that, my life has been pretty much boring. O yea, my Cowboys lost to the Giants, that really sucked. As much as I despise the Giants for defeating my boys, I hope they stomp the Patriots! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

up late again..

Yay, I got my internet up again. For some reason it has been either down or slow as hell lately. Anyways, this past weekend was pretty fun. Friday night, We went out to eat for Tim's birthday at O'Charleys. I ran into this chick that gave me a wrong number like 3 years ago, lol. We chatted it up for a bit and I gave her my number hoping she would come party with us, lol. But of course she never called =(. I had a few drinks while eating and by the time we got back to my house, I passed the fck out. I woke up after an hour or so to a bunch of old faces in my house. The night eventually died out so I called up this new guy in town with a Gsr swapped hatch. His car was running 8.80's and I figured it would be a very close race. Long story short, I win 2 out of 3 races, about 1/2 car each time. I was pretty happy, considering I thought he was gonna smoke me =P

I worked all day Saturday and get off at 9. I meet up with Matt after work, which was weird considering he never comes to hang out. I guess him and psycho are getting to it and he needed time off. Anyways, we head to Harrisburg to go party at my Uncle's for his birthday. I was running on 2dots of gas and not a dollar to my name, with the intention of going there and playing poker, haha! We walk in and have a few drinks and eat before I tried to get a poker game going. I had played with these guys before and lost nearly $200 in about an hour. It was pretty depressing, but you learn from your mistakes. This time going into it, I knew I was a better player and had my uncle stake me for $100. After playing for awhile, I was doing pretty good and look down at my hand and see AQos. I raise it up to $5 and the table folds around to the BB, who puts in a reraise of $15. I sit and ponder for a few minutes before folding the hand. Next thing I know, jackass across the table reaches into the muck and turns my hand over! I was soo pissed off, and I really didnt know what to do besides bitch him out. Needless to say, by the end of the night, that douche bag was down over $600 and I ended leaving with $240. I gave $100 of it back to my uncle and walked out with $140, woo hoo!

Sunday afternoon we turn on football and I make a few phone calls and we got a cash game started. We had never played cash games at my house before so I decided to try it out. In a few hours the table had built up a bankroll of about $180. We were down to 3 players, and I was short stacked. I had bought in twice for $40 and was down about $20. We start playing real fast because the cutoff was at 7pm. As the last hand was dealt, I was hoping to catch something that would regain my losses. I about shit my pants would I look down and see AA!! I raise it to $5 and both players call. Flop comes out xxA; not really the flop I was looking for since it kinda killed the action. The action is checked to me and I bet out another $5 and Matt folds and Sean calls. He checks it to me and I wait awhile before I announce "all-in." He ponders for awhile, and I was hoping he thought I was trying to steal the pot, but he eventually folds. I was pretty bummed, but I still won a nice pot. After counting my chips, I was down .75cents lol! I just spent 5 hours playing poker to lose .75cents. O well, it is better then losing $40. I think I am addicted to cash games now =D

...I have more to add to this blog but it is 2:30 in the am and I have class at 10! so I better hit the sack. Good night.

we will miss ya bud.

Tonight was my friend Brandon's last night in town. He is moving to Chicago to live with his fiance and work up there. It kinda happened all of a sudden, but I guess when opportunity calls, you answer. I was suppose to close at work today, but I called in so I could make it out to the bars and have some drinks. I have to open tomorrow at 730am, so closing + drinking, then trying to wake up at 7am wouldnt of worked out anyways. I got him to take a flaming shot of 151, but dumbass blew it out before he drank it, lol. Brandon, I wish you well man and hope you do good up there. So in the past couple of months, I've had 2 pretty close friends move away. To add to that, one of my best friends got a girlfriend and doesnt hang out anymore. =(.

Times like these, make me wonder why I ever moved back from Florida. I had fun down there, but I always got homesick. I just wish I had the financial stability to move to the city and start fresh. I would love to live in Las Vegas, NYC, or even LA. I just feel that I have so much more potential then southern Illinois. If my life were a book, I want it to be worth reading. I want to be able to look back on these blogs and say "good job tuan, you accomplished your goals and now youre living your life the way you wrote it."

My Life Goals:

1. To have my name known by many people.
2. To share my life with someone I love.
3. To have a seat at the final table of the WSOP
4. To travel the world.
5. Meet Carrie Underwood and make a lasting impression that she will always remember.
6. To be a very wealthy person.
7. At the end of my life, to be able to look back on my life as meaningful and complete.

But for now, I am just Tuan Pham. Going to college for something that I will never be happy doing. I want to make my family proud of me and know that all my stupid decisions in life aren't gonna weigh me down. I WILL make a name for myself and not settle for just being "normal."